Dance, Dance, Dance

Last Monday, Ryan had worked from home and finally passed that darn kidney stone. We were running to Tyler that evening to look at a new sofa because our old one was in shambles, and as I walked out of the furniture store and got in the car, my phone rang and I saw that it was my sister. When I answered the phone the first thing I heard is "They just found Aunt Krisy dead at home." Usually, we are gifted with ways of saying things in professional or in ways that deliver a soft blow, but in the shock of a moment like that, the blunt truth is the only way it comes out sometimes. I was in shock. My aunt had suffered with her health the last few years and with COPD, but she was only 53, still young, and her COPD hadn't been diagnosed as anything fatal at this point. My mom got on the phone a few minutes later and I felt my heart break for her. I loved my Aunt, but my mom was extremely close to her, and was always her protector and always assured her God was going to take care of her. He had, just not in a way anyone ever expected. My mom was distraught and asked me to call my cousin. It's funny how being a cousin is. We hadn't seen each other since my grandmothers funeral on my dads side almost two months ago, and our lives are both so busy we don't talk super often lately, but in that moment when I called her to tell her I loved her and was there if she needed me, she asked me to come to her parents house where she was headed. I immediately dropped Ryan and the kids off at home and went out there. It was in that 20 minute drive when I had time to myself and my prayers, that I realized God had been preparing me to deal with this and to help my family in the few days before. To this day, this is the first time I've shared this. 

We don't go to church often these days, but I still love God and know he has never left me and vice versa, but I am so busy sometimes I just don't take the time to read my bible and really study like I did years ago before marriage, kids, jobs and daily chores took up time. Saturday night and Sunday night before this happened, I was woke up at 3:30 am both nights and couldn't sleep. Usually I would get on Facebook or Pinterest but this time was different. I woke up and felt the need to pray. Emily was asleep in bed next to us and running a fever, so I thought maybe that was why. She had been in the hospital with a bad virus in May and we didn't need sick kids again so that's what I thought this was all about. So I prayed. I prayed God would keep her healthy along with her brother and sister. I prayed for God to help me manage my time where I found more time to talk to him, and where I had time to study my bible again... To show me how to teach my little ones about him where they would understand. And I thanked him for the wonderful blessing that is my family and asked him again to keep all of us healthy. Still, I couldn't sleep. So I prayed more. I felt suddenly nothing but sorrow and I didn't know why. I read several scriptures in Proverbs 31 about the virtuous woman, and read some bible studies from Pinterest about being a good mom. I thought maybe I was just guilty that I had been so busy lately. I prayed for my own mom. She had been stressed because her heart had been getting out of rhythm lately and I prayed for it to be better, and my cousin kept popping up in my mind. I didn't know why, but I prayed for her too. I realized Monday evening that God was preparing me to help my mom and cousin this week and be there for them in their grief to help remind them God loved them and while we may never understand his reasons, God allowed Aunt Krisy to come home to him and we had to pray for strength to get thru that.

The day of the funeral, Ryan was a pallbearer, and not but a few minutes in the kids got totally loud, fussy, and disruptive. Finally, we eased out (as much as you can with 3 carrying on 2.5 year olds) and took them to the car and Ryan came back in to do his part as pallbearer. I sat in the car while the kids asked why we were in the car... And I broke. I wasn't sure how to express to them what happened in a child like way... So I simply said "Aunt Krisy is in heaven with Jesus, and we needed to be quiet so we could hear them sing about it and talk about her." One of them asked me if I was sad, I think it was Sarah... And I told her yes, and she seemed to understand... Then she said to me "but mom, I was about to dance dance dance". I smiled to myself in spite of the bad day, because I know God was smiling down on her and so was my aunt. She loved to listen to music and dance, and could she have, she would've danced right there too.

We are still grieving the loss, especially my aunts immediate family as well as my mom. I ask for your prayers for them, and I thank you all for the prayers this past week. There was an outpouring of support for our family and we thank you so much. If you don't do anything but this- live your life because we don't know how long we have. 

Saturday morning we decided to clean on the porch and let the kids play some out there, and it turned into an impromptu water hose splish splashing time. The babies had a blast, and 3 hours later we finally convinced them to come inside, all 5 of us were soaked and not even in bathing suits. We cleaned up and ran to get tires on Ryan's truck and came back home to swim for a little bit at mom and dads, and came home and watched a movie. One of the fullest days I have had in a long time, but I spent it with my family and was cherishing every moment. Live your life in the moment and make the most of it. I am reminded of Leann Womacks song "I Hope you Dance"... Love God and Love your family and those close to you, and if you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.

For now, a couple pictures of our "water adventure" and a geocache we did this weekend.

Hugs,

Heth